Monday, 14 May 2007

You Are Offal - But I Like You

The ‘American Moms’ visit went extremely well. They very kindly brought New York Yankees T-shirts for the kids, so I spent a good ten minutes trying to explain to my three about baseball. No, not really like cricket. Yes, a bit like rounders, but with steroids.

There was no sniggering about fannies (from me), and only one cringeworthy moment when one of the kids asked in his best Little Lord Fauntleroy voice what a ‘dawg’ was.

I decided to make good old fashioned Bangers and Mash for lunch, as this seemed to strike the right balance of authentic British grub, but without the terror-inducing properties of offal. I had forgotten how easy it is to frighten Americans with talk of steak and kidney pie. An American friend once had to leave the room when I happily described how my Mum used to feed us roast lamb hearts. I think subsequently she always viewed me as a not-so-distant relative of Hannibal Lecter. Good job I never told her that I like a nice Chianti.

I have become a lot more squeamish about food as I have become older. In the past, my ‘cast iron stomach’ has ingested all manner of stuff from frog’s legs, snails, tripe, brains and various other glands. I have even eaten Rocky Mountain Oysters, but I thought they were just a load of bollocks. I am not so adventurous any more – I just tend to stick to liver, or black pudding, and am partial to the occasional tongue sandwich (but that’s another story).

I am finishing up the last leftover glass of Montana Reserve Pinot Noir, Marlborough (Ocado £9.99). It just sneaks in under the £10 pain barrier, but it is so smooth and silky, and I knew it would go really well with the sausages.

Judging by the way my kids view everything on their plates with the utmost suspicion, I really cannot see a great future for offal, despite the huge part it has played in the culinary history of our nation. But then, there will always be sausages, which contain all the wobbly, stringy and gristly bits that we can’t face, but just chopped up very small, so that we don’t quite realise what it is we are eating.


mutterings and meanderings said...

Ha! I have just been writing about balls too...

I love liver, steak and kidney, black pudding. Yum yum!

debio said...

Americans can be so funny - don't they know what s*** goes into their burgers?

Pig in the Kitchen said...

My best (pre-vegetarian) was goat's lung in a South African township. They watched me eat it (giggling) and then told me what it was. I was mindful of cultural differences and how i should appear grateful, I did my best, stopping just short of rubbing my tummy, smiling widely and saying 'mmmm, yummy'. I hope they didn't notice the gag disguised as a cough.

dulwichmum said...

I must admit my mother can do wonders with a nice piece of tongue, I just could not bear to ask for it at the butchers!


rilly super said...

drunk mummy dear, it's a good job I don't actually go to work because with posts like that I worry that your 'safe for work' rating is in jeopardy!

The Good Woman said...

What about haggis? Just mince it all up, mix in some oats and bung it in a sheep's stomach.

Now I know what I'll talk about if I'm wanting an American to leave the room...

Mopsa said...

Yum - offal and balls in one neat blog. It doesn't get any better re: sating the appetite. Next time try em on jellied eels.

Nunhead Mum of One said...

I can't bear to eat liver or kidney and I proudly stated that fact at a family gathering. Cue sniggers from my sister and mother "But you loved my steak pie!" Mum said happily. "Well yes, but only because there were no kidneys in it" I said witheringly. "Well no" reported mother "not big bits but I chopped them up finely to make the gravy".

Drunk Mummy said...

M&M - its the hot topic of the moment!

debio - exactly - you wouldn't want to look too closely.

Pig - goat's lung beats all of the grim stuff I have ingested. Great to be able to tell your kids, though.

Dulwich Mum - it would certainly set Dulwich tongues wagging if you did.

Rilly - I can't see the problem!

Good Woman - I love haggis, although I find a little does go a long way.

Mopsa - I once ate jellied eels and got a bendy eel bone caught in my throat. I coughed for about three days before finally dislodging it - during which time people had started to assume I had TB.

Nunhead mum of one - Your mother is a woman after my own heart. If you want your kids to do something, you have to lie through your teeth at them.

The Secretary said...

I have to confess that I am a red meat lover. As a child I was brought up an such delicacies as stuffed hearts and liver. Don't have the stuffed hearts anymore, but I am bit fan of liver and bacon with mashed potato and cabbage - probably why I work in a school!