Friday, 27 April 2007

Do I Look Phat In These Jeans?

Just before we left for school this morning, I reminded my youngest that he was due to have a little friend over for tea. He went into a mild panic, and appeared to start tidying his bedroom. By the time I had scooped my lower jaw off the carpet, I realised that he wasn’t actually tidying, but feverishly hiding anything that might be considered ‘babyish.’ Teddies, Thomas stuff, and any vaguely ‘pre-school’ toys were dispatched to the cupboard with a ruthless efficiency that would have made Alan Sugar uncomfortable.

This is not the first time that I have witnessed one of my children go through such a Judas-like betrayal of old favourites. Yet again, I had mixed feelings about it. Like most parents, I want my kids to have the courage to ‘be themselves’ but I know that like most children, they just want to fit in and be like everyone else. Still, I had to restrain the urge to throw thirty pieces of silver into his bedroom.

It seems that his classmates are very quick to castigate anyone who hasn’t moved on from one set of heavily marketed merchandise to the next. It’s dispiriting, but maybe it isn’t so different for adults. You only have to look at those misguided fashion-slaves whose stumpy legs were far better served by last year’s comfortable boot-cut jeans than this year’s skinny cropped ones. They have obviously had to ease them on with a warm spoon, but presumably their desire to fit in with the fashionable crowd is stronger than their desire to fit in their jeans.

I am breaking with a long standing Friday night tradition by not opening a bottle of prosecco. Instead, in homage to the balmy summer evening, I have a glass of La Gioisa Pinot Grigio Blush (£4.99 Tesco). It looks gorgeous, and tastes rather satisfyingly of strawberries.

I have something of a love-hate relationship with rosé wine. It frequently leaves me with a headache, but that may have something to do with drinking too much of it while sitting in the sunshine. I have fond memories of picnics in my late teens, when my friends and I would cool a bottle of Mateus Rosé in a nearby stream. I wonder if it has now become fashionably retro to have empty Mateus bottles as candle holders, dripping with melted wax. About twenty years ago, no self-respecting trattoria was seen without them.

As someone who appears more fat than Phat in her jeans, I am likely to be considered retro rather than cutting edge. Last week, I inadvertently referred to an ‘LP’ instead of a CD, in front of some Bright Young Things, causing gales of mirth, and instantly reducing my status to that of dinosaur. I should have added that if we put the wireless on, we could listen to the Hit Parade.

22 comments:

dulwichmum said...

Darling Drunk Mummy,

My PA hoots with laughter as I have on more than one occasion made reference to Jason Timberland - you know who I mean? To hell with the lot of them, I am drinking a super bottle of Hardys Crest, pinot noir sparkling chardonnay - all is well with the world. I am as trendy as I choose to be. I have children to look after and a job to do... At least I can afford a good bottle of champangne if I fancy it...

Rob said...

We've just put away a bottle of M&S pink prosecco and have now collapsed in our appointed spots with his and hers laptops. Midsomer Murders burbles in the background. It's nearly bedtime. We used to go to niteclubs for goodness' sake!

Ellee said...

It seems that we have the same taste in wine, and I'm impressed your son tied his bedroom without any threats....

mutterings and meanderings said...

I ma another sitting here supping pink stuff - Ernst & Julio white grenache.

I remember candles in Matteus Rose, with wax driped down the side ...

Heidi said...

Mateus Rose! A scary flashback from about 20 years ago. Me and my friend Nina would glug a bottle of Mateus before hitting the town. We thought we were the height of sophistication then. Well, it WAS in Finland and we didn't get out much.

I can only drink rose with loads of ice, otherwise I get a headache as well.

Drunk Mummy said...

Dear Dulwich Mum, my mum used to talk about Witney Blanket instead of Britney Spears (or Broccoli Spears as I tend to call her).
I have made a note of the pinot noir sparkling chardonnay, and will be giving it a go.

Rob - I didn't even know you could get pink prosecco! I shall be down to M&S as soon as I can.

Hello Ellee!
Sadly my parenting style has deteriorated from 'carrot' into 'stick', lightened by the occasional bout of coercion.

M&M - it seems we are all in a bit of a pink phase at the moment. I am on the trail of the white grenache.

Pig in the Kitchen said...

I am so comforted by Rob's comment, husband and i often have laptop sex...thought we were the only ones that did.

Also comforted by the rest of you drinking wine and blogging on a friday night. Don't feel quite so sad. My bottle was a red, Chateau Romefort Haut-Medoc, 2003. I hope that means something to you Drunk Mummy. And have a lovely week-end...did you get a babysitter?

Drunk Mummy said...

Hello Heidi!
Ah, I remember looking at the world through rose (can't get the acute accent to work here) coloured glasses as a teenager, and I didn't even have the excuse of being in Finland!

Pig - I did get a babysitter, (on the sliding scale of suitability, we eventually settled on next door's cat) so I will be skipping out into the grown-up world tomorrow night. Lock up your wine cellars!

@themill said...

Embarrased to admit, I still have the candle coated Mateus Rose bottle in the bathroom. Just too sentimental to chuck it.

jane said...

I know just how you feel - I accidentally referred to a "group" rather than a "band" last week. Oh how they laughed. Currently I am trying to stop my sixty year old husband from describing everything as "cool".

Life's a gas, man.

Jane.

debio said...

I am embarassing to my daughter because I staunchly refuse to hold conversations in 'teen-speak'. My husband - a good mimic with an ear for any idiosyncrasy - speaks fluent 'teen-speak'; he is an embarassment to her as well.
And the moral is?

debio said...

p.s. my husband recently returned from the 'hole-in'the'wall' with a bottle of Mateus which he presented to me with a Birmingham accent.
Strangely, I had a tall Birmingham burgundy candle ready and waiting...

The Grocer said...

Enough of this friday night blogging and drinking lark, I took a bottle home last night and fell aslepp before it came out of the fridge.

Anonymous said...

Drinking is good but calorific. I am on the horns of an ugly dilemma. Do I (a) eat, drink and get fat, (b) abandon the eating or (c) abandon the drinking.

My current solution is to abandon midweek drinking (hard but do-able) but when I gained pounds over the weekends, I then had to abaondon weekend eating. Am currently giddy with horrid combination of hunger and hangover.

So how do you chaps get around this problem?

Anonymous said...

Like many blogs, great content is let down by lousy presentation - can't you have the same contrast as Dulwich Mum ? You will end up like that sandy /dubai woman whose blog is completely unreadable..please..

If your grey gets a bit lighter, and your white a bit darker you will disappear altogether...

debio said...

Oh goodness me....sorry - was hoping only my blog content would offend....
Had no idea my literary presentation would be scrutinised quite so much as my personal!
Have to decide whether an anonymous criticism is important...?

dulwichmum said...

So yet again, here we have anonymous, giving people the benefit of their opinion. Passing comment on everyone and yet unwilling to give us the location of their exciting articulate beautifully presented blog so that we may learn and improve from their example..., either that, or else - oh dear - anonymous is incapable of putting a blog together him/herself!

Put your name on your comment next time and let us give you the benefit of our opinion - or are you too afraid. I think also dear anonymous you should note that we would never dream of being as rude as you - if you don't like it, don't read it. People are very brave when calling themselves 'anonymous' are they not?

I love Drunk Mummys blog, I love Debio's blog, have I mentioned you there? No, I didn't think so.

I doubt you have a positive thing to say about anyone, lonely out there is it?

I love your blog Drunk Mummy, keep it coming, reading your blog is a complete pleasure for me.

DM

rilly super said...

drunkmummy, I usually have no difficulties reading your blog, although sometimes I find words and phrases merge into one another, whole lines duplicate themselves and the bubbles at the top of the screen do actually float upwards and make a fizzing sound whilst the whole screen moves from side to side. I will have to see if my computer is still in warranty as it clearly has a problem.

Drunk Mummy said...

Hello @themill!
You still have a Mateus Bottle? Of course you mustn't throw it away, its a design classic! Give it pride of place in your living room.

Hello Jane!
It is a linguistic minefield out there. The cruelty of youth!

debio - get the wax dripping down the side of the bottle - instant 80s appeal!

Grocer - you are clearly working too hard (or partying like a madman mid-week).

Anonymous - easy, just stick with the drinking.

Anonymous - maybe you have a point, but quite frankly, I can't be arsed.

debio - I think we already know the answer to your question.

Dear Dulwich Mum - thankyou for your lovely comments, I could not have expressed the sentiments better myself!

Rilly - what you describe sounds like a standard Friday night to me!

Anonymous said...

At least you lot are still sober enough to know what you're drinking. If it's cold, it gets opened, is my rule. Those 3.00 am tomato ketchup chasers...Way hay!

Omega Mum (3kidsnojob)

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Townleygreen said...

I am SO sorry, it was THIRTY years ago not 20 that people drank Mateus Rose and put candles in the empty bottles. Early 70s in fact... that is 35 years ago.
Still, it isnt necessarily a bad thing to fool ourselves from time to time....