Colour Me Beautiful

I’ve been skipping about with a spring in my step today! My newly-painted toes are now a summery shade of coral, or, as the nail polish manufacturer would have me believe – ‘Feisty.’
Feisty? The only time I’m feisty is if someone at a party says to me “I think you may have had enough to drink already.” Who thinks up these bizarre names for colours?
A quick sift through my battered nail polish collection reveals a pale pink ‘Sweet Sixteen’ (totally congealed, needless to say) and a rather aspirational ‘Sophisticated Lady.’ Most of the names have no relation whatsoever to the colour of the polish. Why is ‘Pashmina’ a light plum colour? Judging by my school run it could be any one of at least thirty shades.
Maybe Farrow and Ball should bring out a range of nail colours. They could have names like ‘Cartland’s Pink,’ a romantic magenta, ‘Varicose Vein’ a delicate purple shade, and ‘Dandruff’ the classic neutral tone.
The warm weather has got me on a bit of a Chardonnay kick at the moment, so I am drinking a glass of creamy Tesco Finest Oak Aged White Burgundy (on offer at £3.99 down from £6.99, Hurry, hurry!) and getting ready to settle down with the last few chapters of Ian McEwan’s ‘On Chesil Beach.’ I have been trying to sneak a peek all day, as I am tantalisingly close to the end. Instead, I was embroiled in endless tedious arguments with the kids about tidying up the hordes of Action Man and Bratz toys. I did notice that a couple of the nose-less, midriff-baring Bratz (or Slutz as they are known in our house) have painted nails – in shades of ‘Jailbait Jewel’ and ‘Lilac Lolita.’