Monday, 3 September 2007

Bloggering Off - For Good

The jockeying for position has started. Several parents have already been straining at the leash, eager to drop impressive nuggets of one-upmanship into the school gate conversation:
‘Ptolemy has been doing Kumon Astrophysics over the summer – he just LOVES it!’
Or:
‘Cressida was so impressed after our visit to the Coliseum that she’s been teaching herself Latin for the last three weeks!’
My daughter has not mastered a second language this summer (unless you count the lyrics to High School Musical) and the boys appear to have forgotten how to write their own names.
Instead, they have all channelled their energies into growing about three inches taller and two shoe sizes bigger, so that not a single item of last year’s school uniform fits any more. Damn inconsiderate, if you ask me. I had rather hoped that their extensive sofa-bound, screen-based activities might have stunted their growth, but not at all. Instead, there was a definite hint of claustrophobia this morning as they wrestled their free-range feet into battery-farm school socks. When I tried to help them, I felt like a Chinese foot binder.
Now that they are back at school, I have been faced with some tough decisions.
Blogging for the last six months has been more fun than I could ever have imagined. However the pressure of my copious wine consumption on the family finances means that I need to either give up drinking wine (What? And lose the will to live?) or earn some money to support my habit. In addition, my nine year old daughter has discovered my ‘alter ego’, so my cover of anonymity looks like being well and truly blown.
I have therefore decided to suspend the blog. Note that I can’t quite bring myself to say ‘stop blogging’ since the prospect of blog withdrawal symptoms is too hideous to contemplate.
Without the blog, I may be forced once again to converse politely on topics as unedifying as Gordon Brown’s sense of humour, or David Cameron’s hairstyle, instead of immersing myself in the glorious cyber-circus of other people’s blog pages.
Without the blog, I may have to start taking notice of my children, whose gradual slide from ‘benign’ to ‘wilful’ neglect hasn’t even been spotted by the social workers.
Without the blog, I shall miss the kind, supportive and desperately funny comments of all those people who took the time to read the posts and leave a reply.
Rather than stumble around the blogosphere, saying goodbye and flinging my arms around necks, whilst slurring ‘I love you, mate, I REALLY love you’ I will try and maintain a bit of decorum by simply raising a glass of La Marca prosecco, and wishing all my blogging buddies the very best for the future…..
….although, decorum has never been my strong point, and come to think of it, I do feel a song coming on. I might just grab the bottle (for a microphone), open the fridge door (for a spotlight) and in my very best pub-singer voice, belt out (in the style of Frank Sinatra rather than Sid Vicious):

And now, the end is near
And so I face the final curtain……

Come on, folks, join in with the chorus!

62 comments:

beta mum said...

Oh no!
What will I drink now?
I, too, am having to face the dreaded proper job prospect (without any of the more desirable prospects I may have had a few years ago) and may have to reduce my blogging mania.
You, and your wine, will be missed.

Pig in the Kitchen said...

Oh dear Drunk Mummy. I well remember reading a comment from you on someone else's blog, and clicked on your link to have a look. I was delighted by this funny woman that was making me laugh out loud. I'm really hoping this is some post April 1st joke, but i have to say it's in poor taste.

Are you pissed? Will you regret this in the morning?

Of course I respect your decision, but....PLEASE DON'T GO! (Pig flings herself embarrassiingly at Drunk Mummy's shabby off-white dressing gown, causing Drunk Mummy to spill her fizz. 'Damn you Pig' says Drunk Mummy, and stalks off into the Welsh sunset, tickets to the next netball tournament firmly clenched in her hand).
Sigh.
I hope this is 'au revoir' and not 'adieu'. If you need a truffle, you know where I am.
Pigx

dulwichmum said...

Darling Drunk Mummy,

This is simply dreadful. I don't know how I will survive the school bullies without your super alcohol suggestions and breathtaking humour. No-one comes close lovely friend. You are the best.

I love you Drunk Mummy, and I want the world to know (...hic)

Frog in the Field said...

For goodness sake, get a grip!
We need you!
I love (LOVE!) Dulwich Mums' comment, see what you inspire in people? Just change you alter ego to 'intoxicated married white female' or 'better get a bucket blog'.
I'm very, very sad and I shall miss you (sniff), what a waste! I shall rant on and on unless you'll stay......
are you listening?
anyone? Hello...

Natural Blonde said...

Oh!

Oh no!

I find blogging at work, works quite well. You can pretend you're writing an email when in fact you're writing your blog. I only do it in my lunch hour though, honest guv!

And as for alter-ego and prying daughter..well, change your alter-ego, that's one of their advantages. Those of who enjoy your blogs will soon recognize your wonderful style and we won't tell a soul!

There are ways around this, Drunk Mummy....please don't go.

mutterings and meanderings said...

No, no, no (in the manner of Amy Winehouse and Rehab ...)

Hopefully like Ms Winehouse, you won't stick with your decision either...

Mya said...

This can't be true! You're suffering post-Welsh delirium. You have a duty to keep all of us pathetic old soaks clued up on the latest top tipples. We can't cope without you... (Mya throws herself at DM's strangely wide feet and starts to sob pathetically.)

Natural Blonde is right. Everyone blogs at work these days - just don't get caught.

Please reconsider.

Mya x

StokeyMum said...

but..but..I am hooked and you made me laugh so. Just to say many thanks, you are an amazingly funny writer and I will miss your blog.

Tracey said...

That'd be right. Whenever I find something good, it gets discontinued.

Never mind the kid finding you. It's a great threat. "You better watch out, or Mummy will BLOG YOU."

The really sad thing is, I have this niggling feeling that stopping with this blogging nonsense is something I should do too...

Rebecca said...

you will most definitely be missed!

jenny said...

Oh! Boo hoo hoo... *sniffle* You can't just go! First you take off for 2 whole weeks, "swanning" you say, and then you finally pop up only to say "goodbye"?!?

Goodness me! I need a drink! I am at a loss for words except that you and your funny, drunken wit will be missed! And I also say, "Yeah! What she said!" to all the comments before me! xo

Pig in the Kitchen said...

now i've slept on it, can't you just blog once a week? We'll accept that, as long as you make it a good post (!). That would cut down on your blogging and your wine bill, and keep us all happy.
Pigx

Vanessa said...

You can't go! I work from home, bereft of normal social interaction, and catching up with blogs is my tea-break activity. And your one is a favourite of mine - I pop in nearly every day! (How needy does that sound!!!)

Blog less frequently if you must, warn child that if she blows your cover to anyone else you'll ban CBBC, review non-alcoholic drinks from time to time, but don't stop blogging!

And even if other people do know about your alter-ego, what does it matter? It isn't as though you bitch about people in the manner of Wife in the North!

Rob said...

I'm happy in the knowledge that this is just some sort of insane, situationist prank and, in fact, Drunk Mummy will carry on wonderfully and inspirationally forever!
*suspends tears*

Bogger Blogger said...

My friend, I'll say it clear,

I'll state my case, of which Im certain......



Slán go foill.

Tattie Weasle said...

Oh good heavens that realy won't do at all! Just when I find you you stop! And I was getting such good recommendations on the wine as well....

debio said...

I shall do what I always do when I have been dumped - sip delicately on a chilled glass of Veuve and consider the best bits....

As all your blogs were best bits this will be a difficult separation.

But with stiff upper lip - and truly - Good Luck and please don't forsake your writing!

Akelamalu said...

How about I send you a case of your favourite wine - will you change your mind???

I too had to go back to work today after 6 months on the sick - shock, horror - so won't be blogging half as much. But we could both manage once a week surely???

Think it over you can't let us all down now can you?

Tracey said...

Yes! Maybe she was drunk when she wrote that she was stopping blogging, and she'll forget that she said that.

C'mon! Once a week!

DJ Kirkby said...

Wah!!!!!! Noooooooooooo........NOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Pig in the Kitchen said...

Now I know you must be reading this DM...but Frog in the Field and I have come up with a little plan. I don't want to give too much away, but it may involve John Deere Tractors (good bulldozing potential), shotguns (very effective when sawn off) and finding out where you live...
Aren't you even going to reply to us??!!!!
Pigx
and, (tinkling laugh) you know the threat of violence is a light jest don't you? Don't be instructing your lawyers or anything...

Mopsa said...

Good grief! What's all this then? That's far too all or nothing for us admiring readers...kids and work come before blogging, but a little bit of blogging does you good. Bottoms up!

Frog in the Field said...

Drunk Mummy,
I don't know what Pig means.... I was far, far more threatening than that!

The Grocer said...

Now come on you can see your public needs you, go on admit you feel needed.
All things in moderation that's the answer, just blog occasionally, perhaps one liners on the brand and price for those that need the guidance daily?
but don't go, never say never or are you angling for a Spice Girls style comeback via the Priory?

Potty Mummy said...

Dear Drunk Mummy,
I have so enjoyed reading your blog, and the best of luck in earning that cash. But never say never about coming back.

Omega Mum said...

I think you'll be back. Given you're a journalist anyway, I am sure you can justify your blog as warming up exercises. Do try....

Stay at home dad said...

Good grief. What? I don't understand. I didn't know you were a journalist. I don't know much, really, but I know you'll be missed. Very. But it appears you've gone already. Goodbye then and thank you.

Drunk Mummy said...

I have been truly overwhelmed by the warmth and kindness of such lovely comments. I feel extremely flattered and yet totally undeserving.
My week of blogging 'cold turkey' has not been a huge success. I am no nearer earning money than I was last week (btw, I'm not a journalist, but was delighted to have been mistaken for one!), have watched some diabolical television programmes, and have been ranting at anyone who will listen to me (and several who won't) about almost every topic under the sun.
In addition, last night's Friday Night Fizz was a rather miserable affair, with no-one to 'share' it.
However, the decision to suspend the blog was not taken lightly, so I do feel I should stick to it, despite missing the whole blog community desperately.
As many people have observed, there are several prodigal bloggers out there so I'm not ruling it out completely for the future.
Thanks once again for the lovely comments. Such kindness and appreciation has really meant a great deal to me.
Cheers!

Elsie Button said...

oh my god, is that it? you've gone? i'm too late to say goodbye. You were my top top top favourite blogger. Please come back again, one day.

lady macleod said...

While I do understand, I shall miss you dreadfully! Stay safe and well.

rilly super said...

oh fuck! whilst I as much as anyone understand, having hardly looked at my blog for several weeks, how the boring old realities of life get in the way of larking about on the internet and so understand completely your predicament I just want to say I'll bloody miss you drunkmummy, as you write some of the bestest funniest stuff out there. You've been a super blog buddy or whatever the term is and and I wish you all the very best

love Rilly
xxxxxx

dulwichmum said...

Ah go on, just once a week then, you know you want to?

Alerts Editor said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mid-lifer said...

All I can say is Nooooooooooooo!! Don't do it! I'm about to embark on a PhD (talk about oneupmanship!) and I DON'T intend on giving up blogging..What can you be thinking of?

expatmum said...

Clearly the woman doesn't know her own mind. The sheer stress/tedium/knackeringness of having had the kids for the whole summer, (plus a long haul flight AND a camping holiday) have taken their toll. I vote we just wait her out.
First she'll just "repy" to our continued compliments and entreaties, then she'll relent and blog about once a week. If we can get her up to twice a week I say we've won eh?
Come on DM, you know you want to! AND, you don't necessarily have to blog about wine - just drink it!

@themill said...

I go blog-awol for three weeks and you do this to me! You're just too funny not to be writing. Once a week, perhaps?

Pig in the Kitchen said...

I'm just doing my wander around my favourite blogs, thought I'd still come and visit you, in the manner of one who is desperately mourning and comes to lay a token at the grave.
Do you prefer Gerberas or Lilies?
Pigx

Belladonna said...

I am very sad that you have stopped blogging. I only ever read two blogs - yours and Wifey's.

Sad to see you go. Thank you so much for your blog. It's been fun.

CAS said...

well if you must then I must understand but I won't stop checking your blog because I'm not one to go quietly, I will be kicking and screaming lamenting the loss of such wit in a place so often witless as the internet.
you will be missed.
and we shall cheer your triumphant (and inevitable) return whenever it may be.

CAS said...

oops I'm signed in as my husband...this is actually sufferingsummer, though if my husband read your blog he would have to agree whole heartedly I'm sure but as he is out doing that earning of money thing I've managed to avoid he hasn't the time...

livesbythewoods said...

Well damn, I really like you. Hope you find the time/will/anonymity to return in due course.

@themill said...

Just checking

Vanessa said...

Just dropping in to see if you're back. Friday Night Fizz not the same without you!

Miles Away In France said...

Oh No, I just arrived and it seems that the party is over already.
I will pop back in a while just in case you decide to come back.
Racheal x

Motheratlarge said...

I've missed you! Sad to hear you're stepping back from the blog. Best of luck with new projects. It was fun knowing you for a little while here in the blogosphere. I enjoyed your postings immensely.

dulwichmum said...

Ah come on back now, we love you and miss you so much. Come on special chum. What do I have to say???

Laura said...

Well, I don't believe it! here I am, eager to read a brand new blog, and I find it's a blog no more!

Ah well, sorry I missed you. Maybe another time eh?

Modified mummy x x

Akelamalu said...

You've not returned then? :(

Gunfighter said...

"...my friends, I'll say it clear
I'll stae my case, of which I'm certain.
I've lived a life that's full
I've trvelled each and every by-way, but
Oh! much more than this, I did it myyyy way!

For what is a man?
What has he got"
If not himself, then he has nought!
To say the things, he truly feels
and not the words of one who kneels..."

I love that song.

Sorry to have found your blog post departure.

Good luck, mate!

Dulwich Dad said...

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year from Dulwich Dad!

@themill said...

I notice you're commenting again - are you going to treat us all to a New Year special?

Mike said...

I've just discovered your blog, and now too late! Blast! I love your writing,had me in stitches! mimi not mike

barb michelen said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Expatmum said...

Oh for Pete's sake DM. I have some serious dirt on this woman (going back twenty years) I will see what I can do. I have a pledge to guest blog on my page so watch out. Perhaps she'll get the taste for it again.

grit said...

typical. the late grit find something to snigger about and it's gone.

Pig in the Kitchen said...

Pig narrows her piggy eyes suspiciously as she notes that on 13th January precisely @theMill mentioned that you were commenting again... Pig slips off into blogworld, deer stalker wedged firmly on her head, large microscope held up to her snout...aHA! she snorts to herself, so drunk Mummy IS still out there. I will find her, I WILL...

Projetores said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Bree said...

damnit, i just discover your fab blog only to discover youve stopped blogging. life sucks sometimes. grrr.

Hadriana's Treasures said...

Hi..you've been recommended to me by several other bloggers. Come back...I feel the need to get to know you! Salve. Hadriana.

Rob said...

still missing you, DM

Claire said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Sandra said...

Really? Really? You're gone! Baaaah! My first time reading you and was totally loving this post, and relating on every level, 'cause my 8 year old doesn't know how to read anymore...? I know right! And then I get to the part where you say you have to become gainfully employed! Well totally my loss! When you come back (oh, you know you will!) please let me know!